Blog Tour: The Great Unexpected by Dan Mooney

I am delighted to be taking part in the Blog Tour for the second novel by Dan Mooney, The Great Unexpected, which is published by Legend Publishing. You can buy it here, and you can also read my review of Dan's first book, Me, Myself and Them, here.

The Blurb

“If you’re going to end it, you better make it big. No slipping off bridges, it’s undignified for men of our vintage. Go big or don’t bother.” 

Joel lives in a nursing home and he’s not one bit happy about it. He doesn’t like being told when to eat, when to sleep, when to take his pills. In fact, he doesn’t like living at all, and he’s decided he’s going to end his life on his terms.

When he tells retired soap-actor Frank about his dark plan, Frank urges him to go out with a bang. Together, they embark on a mission to find the perfect suicide, and along the way, discover the strength of friendship when you really feel alone.

My Review 

Well now, this is an absolutely amazing second novel.

Suicide is a very dark subject, and it is countered by light. Dan does this brilliantly, injecting a gentle, wry humour throughout Joel's story, which had me smiling when reading much of it.

Joel has been miserable since his beloved wife, Lucey, died. His routine is disrupted when the inimitable Frank moves into his room, and despite himself, he finds himself drawn to the irrepressible old actor.

The various escapades enjoyed by the two old men are hilarious and heartwarming, interspersed with poignant moments of heartbreak and sadness.

It highlights the plight of our elderly today, and how they are shipped off to die, out of the way, in a home. Obviously in some cases, that may be for the best, for them and their families, but to subject people like Joel and Frank to 'incarceration' should be criminal.

People need just that little bit of humanity and the encouragement to live.

About the Author

Dan Mooney is a writer, air traffic controller and amateur filmmaker, with one of his short films broadcast on national TV. Dan is also a fan of amateur dramatics, rugby and is a friend to many cats. He wrote his first piece of fiction for a child-operated local newspaper at age ten and has been writing ever since.

He is the author of Me, Myself and Them (June 2017) and The Great Unexpected (2018).

Follow Dan on Twitter @danielmoonbags

Book Review: Good Me Bad Me by Ali Land

The Blurb

'NEW NAME. NEW FAMILY. SHINY. NEW. ME.' 

Annie's mother is a serial killer. The only way she can make it stop is to hand her in to the police. But out of sight is not out of mind. As her mother's trial looms, the secrets of her past won't let Annie sleep, even with a new foster family and name - Milly. A fresh start. Now, surely, she can be whoever she wants to be. But Milly's mother is a serial killer. And blood is thicker than water. Good me, bad me. She is, after all, her mother's daughter... 

Translated into over 20 languages, Good Me Bad Me is a tour de force. In its narrator, Milly Barnes, we have a voice to be reckoned with, and in its author, Ali Land, an extraordinary new talent.

My Review

Thank you to NetGalley and the publisher, Michael Joseph, for the advanced reading copy.

Oh. My. God. What a book!

I was initially intrigued by the premise of a girl having to deal with having a serial killer for a mother. But as I started reading Good Me Bad Me I started to get scared. I was worried the story was going to dissolve into a voyeuristic, sadistic car crash.

But I needn't have worried - I am so glad I carried on reading. Once I did, I found it hard to leave - hence a couple of late nights where I couldn't stop thinking about the book once I put it down.

The narrator, Milly, is talking to her mother. Telling her how she has made her feel, telling her how she is coping (or not) without her. The descriptions of the crimes committed thankfully don't go into gory detail, leaving your mind to fill in the blanks - which works to great effect here.

Milly is staying with a foster family, the Newmonts. The father, Mike, is a psychologist, helping Milly prepare to testify against her own mother. The mother, Saskia, a mere shadow of a woman, scorned by her own daughter, Phoebe, who rails against having to compete with a broken foster child.

Milly has to battle to survive, against her mother's voice, constantly with her; against her background, desperate to keep her past hidden, against herself, for fear of becoming like her mother. She finds a friend in Morgan, but can she keep her safe?

Phoebe is a poisonous character, hellbent on making Milly's life even more of a living hell than it already is. Ali Land depicts the turmoils of adolescence perfectly, showing how cruel girls can be to each other, vying to be leader of the gang, and how easily led some can become, to afraid to say no. 

This is an absolute smasher of a debut novel. I think Good Me Bad Me is going to be one of the most talked about books for 2017. Absolutely bloody amazing.

Good Me Bad Me is published on 12th January by Michael Joseph. You can buy the book at Amazon, Waterstones and other retailers.

About the Author

After graduating from university with a degree in Mental Health, Ali Land spent a decade working as a Child and Adolescent Mental Health Nurse in hospitals and schools in the UK and Australia. Ali is now a full-time writer and lives in a creative warehouse community in North London. Good Me Bad Me has been translated into over twenty languages.

Follow Ali on Twitter @byAliLand

Book Review: Second Time Around by Colette Caddle

After a freak accident and eight weeks in a coma, Suzie Connors’ family are elated when their adored mother finally wakes up absolutely fine. Except she’s not.

Blissfully unaware of her children’s shock at having to deal with the changes in their mum, Suzie has had a wake-up call and intends to live life to the full, with or without their approval. Then her youngest daughter, Sharon, is faced with some major issues of her own and the one person she would have turned to – her mother – is no longer there for her.

An emotional story about family, second chances and what happens when, in the blink of an eye, life changes forever …

Thank you to Simon and Schuster for my copy of this book.

It's quite a well-known fact that head injury can result in personality changes, and this affects not only the injured person but also those closest to them. The effect of the change in Suzie's behaviour causes shock and upset to her family and friends in different ways. 

Colette describes the horror and torment suffered by a family when a loved one is in hospital very well. That feeling of being in limbo, of not knowing if your loved one will die, or to what extent they will be affected. It is exhausting, both physically and mentally. Then when Suzie does wake up, the torment isn't over by any means as they all have to learn to adjust to the 'new' Suzie.

The story is told from multiple points of view, which shows how each person is affected by Suzie's injury to great effect. 

Suzie has lost her ability to filter her thoughts and what comes out of her mouth, often to quite humorous effect. She is struggling with her memory - who should she trust to tell her the truth about her past? 

Jess feels she has to carry the responsibility of looking after her mother; but she has problems of her own when her love life and work life collide. 

Jess's sister, Sharon, has it tough - her husband cannot connect with their son, Bobby, and now Suzie, who always adored her grandson, makes her thoughts on Sharon's mollycoddling perfectly clear. So clear that Bobby thinks his granny doesn't like him - a heartbreaking thing for any child. But deep down Sharon knows there's more to Bobby's behaviour than naughtiness - she just needs to admit it. Caddle's writing deals with this with a great deal of empathy.

Suzie's son, Noel, has the struggle of uni exams to cope with as well as his mother's erratic behaviour. He can't even confide in his best friend Cal, who is bewildered by Noel's distance.

Cal is my favourite character - he brings a lot of sense to everyone around him, not least Jess and Bobby.

As for the worst character - it has to be a toss-up between Suzie's sister Mandy, a conniving, jealous woman - no one else can believe it when she claims to be a loving sister, helping Suzie; and Jess's lover/boss Louis, who just makes my skin crawl!

Second Time Around is a heart-warming read about second chances, family and friendship. I loved it.

You can buy Second Time Around here (other retailers are available...).

The Grey Fog

This blog post is a bit random - it's not a book review, or anything to do with books. It's just an effort to how I am feeling at the moment; how many people suffering from depression may feel at times.

Some of you know I suffer from depression at times; some of you may have no idea or don't really care. Some of you may be embarrassed. Some of you may even identify with what I am trying to say.

I feel disconnected. Numb, sometimes. Other times, raw, like an open wound. I'm going through the motions of living. Plastering a smile on my face assuring everyone that yes, I'm fine thanks, how are you? I've been hiding from it for so long I've got lost.

This time it has been going on all year, probably the longest bout I've had.

January is always a hard month. So many sad anniversaries, so many people loved and lost. This year is this worst in a long time. Lemmy, Bowie, Wogan, Rickman, Corbett. Victoria Wood. Grizzly Adams. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it. How I can be so affected by the deaths of people I didn't know personally; had never met. But they have been in my life ALL my life.

I thought it would get better. I thought as the days grew longer, the darkness in my head would recede. But it hasn't. 

Instead I've been going through the motions, convincing myself that it WILL get better, I just need to carry on as normal. 

After all, there are people around me suffering far worse than I; people with cancer, some fighting it with everything they've got, some resigned to the fact that it means the end for them eventually but in the meantime they're going to enjoy what time they have left.

Then there's me. Nothing physically wrong - well except for the diabetes, which, having been under control, has gone awry cos I can't curb my appetite for everything bad; and the plantar fasciitis in my right heel which makes every step agony. Jeez, don't ask her how she is. How long have you got?

I know what I am supposed to do. I know what I am supposed to eat, what exercises I should be doing on my foot, what I should be writing to fight the anxiety, how to be mindful, how to breathe. I've had the training. But it's not working. I'm not working.

I struggle to get out of bed. The daily battles with the children, their constant niggling and backbiting overwhelms me, leaving me exhausted before the day has begun. 

If I'm going in the office, which very luckily I only have to do once or twice a week, I drive the 62 miles there, quite often with the radio on full blast to keep me from falling asleep. I do my work, pass pleasantries with me friends and colleagues, go through the motions of normality. Then I drive home again. Once I found myself talking to myself about there being no aliens. Another time, more recently, I was waiting to put my carrots in the lane I needed to take for the M25. WTF?! Exactly.

When I'm working at home, I log on to my laptop at 7:30, maybe do the school run, and work, sustained by the cups of tea and coffee my lovely husband brings me. Then at lunchtime, I set my alarm for 1.5 hours and fall into a deep, deep sleep. Then I wake up and carry on working till 5, 6 o'clock. Dream job - I am very lucky to be able to work as I do.

But I now cannot concentrate. Whether it's work, in the office, at home, reading a book, watching a favourite TV series, I find myself either distracted and fidgety, or I fall asleep.

I struggle to fulfil my book review commitments, leaving everything till last minute. I joined the Romantic Novelists Association's New Writer's Scheme again this year. My novel is all planned out; it's going to be brilliant. I have until 31st August to send the full manuscript in for a full critical review.

I've got 13,500 words written so far. Nowhere near the 80,000 word novel I intended.

Nothing's working any more. Three weeks ago I gave in. I went to my GP and told her my current antidepressant wasn't working. She gave me another one to try, with instructions on withdrawing from the old one and introducing the new one. She signed me off for three weeks.

I don't feel better yet. I'm on a low dose of this new tablet, which can be increased. I don't think the side effects are that bad, though my sense of taste has changed, making everything taste bland. I'm sleeping a lot, but I think that is the depression. I physically ache. That feeling of disconnection is still there; I go places but I'm not present. My glucose levels are ridiculous; but I can't deal with that at the moment. One thing at a time.

This week has been pretty tough. I (stupidly) got involved in a political argument on Twitter with a couple of old 'friends'. Or rather, they decided to attack me for my views, which I do not force down people's throats, constantly pushing me to justify myself. Usually I just walk away, but this time I felt I had to stand up for myself, to prove to myself that I wasn't so weak. In the end, exhausted and feeling battered beyond belief, I gave up, saying I was too tired, I couldn't cope with this on top of my depression. Then I was attacked for hiding behind it; then was told by one that, by the way, I was the reason the other one had cut themselves.

I'm not stupid. I know ultimately I am not responsible, They have their own issues. But it was still very upsetting. I've blocked them now.

I probably sound like a right whinger/hypochondriac. But anyone who lives with depression knows that it is so hard. What may seem like a simple solution to one person can be an insurmountable task to a sufferer. I am lucky in that I have the support of my family and my real friends. Otherwise, instead of just thinking about driving the car into that tree, I would actually do it.

Sunday, I went into London by myself, to meet friends I only know online. I could so easily have stayed in bed, but my husband gently encouraged me to go, knowing that one of them was returning to Australia and I'd regret it if I didn't meet with her. I survived. I may have floated around the tube, in a bubble, but I met up with these awesome people and we spent hours talking. It was great. But now it feels like I dreamt it.

I feel guilty, but the thought of going back to work on Wednesday fills me with fear. I like my job; I just can't do it at the moment. I can't do much at all. I am hoping that I can get a little bit longer off work, just to let this medication do its stuff. 

The thing is with depression, is that you cannot see it. There are no outwardly visible symptoms (other than a miserable face). I don't look ill. Sometimes I wish that I could hurt myself physically so that there are wounds to see (but I can't - I'm a wuss. I don't like pain). Trying to set an example to our children is so hard; three of them are adolescents and hormonal, trying to show resilience when you are at rock bottom is pretty bloody difficult. My kids are brilliant though. I had another melt-down earlier, and my eldest son came and sat beside me on the bathroom floor, holding me, supporting me. My husband holds me too, takes care of everything else so I don't have to. I hate that they have to see me like this, but I'm proud of them, too.

The colour black is often associated with depression - the Black Dog, the Black Hole of Despair. But for me it's more of a murky, grey fog. Sometimes it lightens, more of a mist, sometimes allowing the sun to shine through; other times it is suffocating and the only escape is the sanctity of sleep.

I know there is light. I know I will be 'fixed' and will be on an even keel again soon. You may ask 'How can I help?' The answer is I don't know. Just be you, and carry on as normal. Just be patient with me. The sun will shine again soon.