Book Review: The Summer of Impossible Things by Rowan Coleman

The Blurb

If you could change the past, would you?

****This summer, get ready to believe in Impossible Things with the brand new book from international bestseller, Rowan Coleman. ****

How far would you go to save the person you love?

Luna is about to do everything she can to save her mother's life.

Even if it means sacrificing her own.

My Review

Thank you to the publisher, Ebury Press, and Netgalley for the ARC. I apologise now for the lateness of this review - I did read the book before it was published on 29th June, but then I got distracted by life. Bad book blogger!

The Summer of Impossible Things is a beautiful story about a strong, determined young woman trying to right the wrongs of the past. Not her past, but that of her mother's.

Luna and her sister have lost their mother to depression. They travel to the place she grew up in Brooklyn, NYC, and Luna discovers a way she can maybe save her. Time travel may be impossible, but the author writes with such sensitivity and depth that suspends all disbelief, and she draws you into Luna's life. From the way Luna's transitions through time are described, to the heat of the summer; the atmosphere and the smell of the old properties; the story is brought to life in the reader's mind. 

The theme of depression is handled well, and it shows how those around the sufferer suffer too. There is also an element of whodunnit, which I got totally wrong (I don't like it when I do get it right as that would mean it is far too obvious!). The story is heart-breaking in parts, but ultimately uplifting. 

You can buy the book here, or from other good bookshops. It's available as an ebook, of course, but the hardback edition is beautiful.

Book Review: Me, Myself and Them by Dan Mooney

The Blurb

Struggling to cope with a tragic loss, Denis Murphy has learned to live a bit differently. Both his friends are used to it - the only problem is his monstrous housemates.

When his enigmatic ex-girlfriend comes back into his life, she threatens to shatter the finely crafted world around him.

As Denis begins to re-emerge from his sheltered existence and rediscover the person he used to be, things turn nasty, and he is forced to confront the demons that share not only his house, but also his head.

My Review

Many thanks to the publisher, Legend Press, for the proof copy. This review is my honest opinion.

My God but there are some good books out there this year. So far most of those I have read I have given  a rating of either 4 or 5 out of 5. I keep thinking I'm giving too many 5 stars, but they really are that good. And Me, Myself and Them is no exception.

Actually, it is an exception. It is an exceptional book; dealing with mental health issues that few people like to discuss, even in these enlightened days of 'It's ok not to be ok' and #MentalHealthMatters. Dan Mooney deals with these issues with sensitivity and humour, and understanding. Yes, it can be an uncomfortable read at times, but it is utterly compelling.

It becomes obvious as the book goes on that a past tragedy has left the 'old' Denis behind, and this new, shy, obsessive Denis in his place. This Denis has developed his own coping strategies - or are they avoidance techniques. Most people think he's weird and avoid him, but Denis has some very good friends who stand by him. Unfortunately there are also some not quite as benevolent who are determined not to let him go.

It is an outstanding, heartbreaking story which resonated in my very core. I found him to be a desperately sad character, with his OCD ways and habits, but immensely likeable. He is still able to show his sense of humour, even taking the mickey out of himself and his 'ways' at times.

This book shows how events in our lives can shake us to the core, and the huge impact they can have on our lives. Some lucky people go through life without experiencing anything truly awful, and I think these people would have trouble understanding how someone so 'normal' before could be so broken. What we need when we are in trouble is people around us who care, even if they find it hard to know how to help; just being there helps, as Denis finds with his two closest friends. 

When Rebecca, Denis's ex turns up, Denis is torn. She wants the old Denis back, but he thinks he is gone forever. Rebecca is a lovely character, treading very carefully in how far she can push him. She shows a rare patience with him, and tries to help him.

The ending of the book is so very good. I was in tears and it has me thinking about it for a long while afterwards. Me, Myself and Them is truly unforgettable and Dan Mooney is a more than worthy winner of the Luke Bitmead Bursary.

You can buy the book here or from other retailers.

Book Review: Obsession by Amanda Robson

One evening, a wife asks her husband a question: who else would you go for, if you could?

It is a simple question – a little game – that will destroy her life.

Carly and Rob are a perfect couple. They share happy lives with their children and their close friends Craig and Jenny. They’re lucky. But beneath the surface, no relationship is simple: can another woman’s husband and another man’s wife ever just be good friends?

Little by little, Carly’s question sends her life spiralling out of control, as she begins to doubt everything she thought was true. Who can she trust? The man she has promised to stick by forever, or the best friend she has known for years? And is Carly being entirely honest with either of them?

Obsession is a dark, twisting thriller about how quickly our lives can fall apart when we act on our desires.

Thank you to Netgalley and the publisher, Avon, for the ARC.

I read a lot of books - too many perhaps, when I should be writing my own. I've been lucky this year so far; most have been great, the occasional one was not, and then last night, one absolutely blew my socks off.

Obsession is compelling, horrifying, disturbing, gripping...

The story is told in turns by each of the four main characters, husband and wife Rob and Carly, and the other couple Jenni and Craig. Each of them is narrating the tale to one of the others, and it is thoroughly enthralling. 

I don't want to give any more of the plot away; because I think each reader should be as shocked as I was. Never before have I been so betrayed by characters in a book. They play with my emotions - at first I detested the seemingly brash, selfish Carly, but later found myself wavering between sympathy and revulsion, an unsettling mixture felt for each of the characters as they seek to disarm and deceive us. I simply did not know who to trust.

The story gets bigger and more terrifying, the characters becoming more and more awful and their actions even worse. Honestly, this book wrong-footed me so many times, I had to read it in almost one sitting (I had to stop at 2am then carried on again at 8am!).

I've heard it said that for a book to be successful, you have to fall in love with at least one of the characters. Well, Obsession smashes the mould.

Obsession is published on Kindle on 4th May and in paperback on 1st June by Avon and you can pre-order either from Amazon or other retailers.

Blog Tour: Dare to Remember by Susanna Beard

I'm delighted to be on the Blog Tour for Susanna Beard's new novel, published on 1st February by Legend Press.

The Blurb

Reeling from a brutal attack that leaves her best friend dead and her badly injured, Lisa Fulbrook flees to the countryside to recuperate. With only vague memories of the event, she isolates herself from her friends and family, content to spend her days wandering the hills with her dog, Riley.However, Lisa is soon plagued, not only by vivid flashbacks, but questions, too: how did their assailant know them? Why were they attacked? And what really happened that night?

As she desperately tries to piece together the memories, Lisa realises that there's another truth still hidden to her, a truth she can't escape from. A truth that may have been right in front of her all along.

My Review

Thank you to the publisher Legend Press for the advanced reading copy. This review is my honest opinion.

This is the story of the aftermath of a brutal attack which has left one woman dead, and her best friend struggling with all kinds of emotions, not least guilt that she survived, and the senseless loss of her friend.

The fear which constantly plagues Lisa's life is very real. She cannot remember more than flashes of what happened, and each fragment of memory serves to cripple her again; she struggles with day-to-day tasks; she trusts no one. She shuts herself off from the world, but soon comes to realise that to get over it, she has to remember exactly what happened.

Lisa has counselling; she doesn't find it particularly helpful as it is a major undertaking for her to even attend a session. The author has described feelings of anxiety, raw pain and overwhelming depression perfectly. I found myself immersed in this book; I could really empathise with the character's struggle in recovery.

Lisa reluctantly makes a tentative friend in Jessica, and shows great strength in supporting her when she needs help, even though she is terrified. John, the elderly neighbour keeps Lisa from becoming a total recluse; as she feels a responsibility to look after this lonely old man. The friendship becomes a vital part of the story as she takes on his dog, Riley, who is an integral part of Lisa's recovery.

Dare to Remember is an amazing read which had me gripped from the very start.

You can buy the book from Amazon, Waterstones and other booksellers.

About the Author

Susanna is a psychological crime writer who lives in Marlow, Buckinghamshire. Her day job in PR both demands and celebrates writing and she’s helped promote everything from websites to wine. She writes every day, all the time: news, articles, speeches, websites, blogs - and now novels.

She likes dark, contemplative stories with a twist; she’s fascinated by the psychology of relationships and the impact of insignificant events on people's lives. 

Susanna started writing fiction after attending a course at the Faber Academy. Other passions include her dogs, who keep her grounded, and tennis, which clears her brain of pretty much everything.

The Grey Fog

This blog post is a bit random - it's not a book review, or anything to do with books. It's just an effort to how I am feeling at the moment; how many people suffering from depression may feel at times.

Some of you know I suffer from depression at times; some of you may have no idea or don't really care. Some of you may be embarrassed. Some of you may even identify with what I am trying to say.

I feel disconnected. Numb, sometimes. Other times, raw, like an open wound. I'm going through the motions of living. Plastering a smile on my face assuring everyone that yes, I'm fine thanks, how are you? I've been hiding from it for so long I've got lost.

This time it has been going on all year, probably the longest bout I've had.

January is always a hard month. So many sad anniversaries, so many people loved and lost. This year is this worst in a long time. Lemmy, Bowie, Wogan, Rickman, Corbett. Victoria Wood. Grizzly Adams. Sounds ridiculous doesn't it. How I can be so affected by the deaths of people I didn't know personally; had never met. But they have been in my life ALL my life.

I thought it would get better. I thought as the days grew longer, the darkness in my head would recede. But it hasn't. 

Instead I've been going through the motions, convincing myself that it WILL get better, I just need to carry on as normal. 

After all, there are people around me suffering far worse than I; people with cancer, some fighting it with everything they've got, some resigned to the fact that it means the end for them eventually but in the meantime they're going to enjoy what time they have left.

Then there's me. Nothing physically wrong - well except for the diabetes, which, having been under control, has gone awry cos I can't curb my appetite for everything bad; and the plantar fasciitis in my right heel which makes every step agony. Jeez, don't ask her how she is. How long have you got?

I know what I am supposed to do. I know what I am supposed to eat, what exercises I should be doing on my foot, what I should be writing to fight the anxiety, how to be mindful, how to breathe. I've had the training. But it's not working. I'm not working.

I struggle to get out of bed. The daily battles with the children, their constant niggling and backbiting overwhelms me, leaving me exhausted before the day has begun. 

If I'm going in the office, which very luckily I only have to do once or twice a week, I drive the 62 miles there, quite often with the radio on full blast to keep me from falling asleep. I do my work, pass pleasantries with me friends and colleagues, go through the motions of normality. Then I drive home again. Once I found myself talking to myself about there being no aliens. Another time, more recently, I was waiting to put my carrots in the lane I needed to take for the M25. WTF?! Exactly.

When I'm working at home, I log on to my laptop at 7:30, maybe do the school run, and work, sustained by the cups of tea and coffee my lovely husband brings me. Then at lunchtime, I set my alarm for 1.5 hours and fall into a deep, deep sleep. Then I wake up and carry on working till 5, 6 o'clock. Dream job - I am very lucky to be able to work as I do.

But I now cannot concentrate. Whether it's work, in the office, at home, reading a book, watching a favourite TV series, I find myself either distracted and fidgety, or I fall asleep.

I struggle to fulfil my book review commitments, leaving everything till last minute. I joined the Romantic Novelists Association's New Writer's Scheme again this year. My novel is all planned out; it's going to be brilliant. I have until 31st August to send the full manuscript in for a full critical review.

I've got 13,500 words written so far. Nowhere near the 80,000 word novel I intended.

Nothing's working any more. Three weeks ago I gave in. I went to my GP and told her my current antidepressant wasn't working. She gave me another one to try, with instructions on withdrawing from the old one and introducing the new one. She signed me off for three weeks.

I don't feel better yet. I'm on a low dose of this new tablet, which can be increased. I don't think the side effects are that bad, though my sense of taste has changed, making everything taste bland. I'm sleeping a lot, but I think that is the depression. I physically ache. That feeling of disconnection is still there; I go places but I'm not present. My glucose levels are ridiculous; but I can't deal with that at the moment. One thing at a time.

This week has been pretty tough. I (stupidly) got involved in a political argument on Twitter with a couple of old 'friends'. Or rather, they decided to attack me for my views, which I do not force down people's throats, constantly pushing me to justify myself. Usually I just walk away, but this time I felt I had to stand up for myself, to prove to myself that I wasn't so weak. In the end, exhausted and feeling battered beyond belief, I gave up, saying I was too tired, I couldn't cope with this on top of my depression. Then I was attacked for hiding behind it; then was told by one that, by the way, I was the reason the other one had cut themselves.

I'm not stupid. I know ultimately I am not responsible, They have their own issues. But it was still very upsetting. I've blocked them now.

I probably sound like a right whinger/hypochondriac. But anyone who lives with depression knows that it is so hard. What may seem like a simple solution to one person can be an insurmountable task to a sufferer. I am lucky in that I have the support of my family and my real friends. Otherwise, instead of just thinking about driving the car into that tree, I would actually do it.

Sunday, I went into London by myself, to meet friends I only know online. I could so easily have stayed in bed, but my husband gently encouraged me to go, knowing that one of them was returning to Australia and I'd regret it if I didn't meet with her. I survived. I may have floated around the tube, in a bubble, but I met up with these awesome people and we spent hours talking. It was great. But now it feels like I dreamt it.

I feel guilty, but the thought of going back to work on Wednesday fills me with fear. I like my job; I just can't do it at the moment. I can't do much at all. I am hoping that I can get a little bit longer off work, just to let this medication do its stuff. 

The thing is with depression, is that you cannot see it. There are no outwardly visible symptoms (other than a miserable face). I don't look ill. Sometimes I wish that I could hurt myself physically so that there are wounds to see (but I can't - I'm a wuss. I don't like pain). Trying to set an example to our children is so hard; three of them are adolescents and hormonal, trying to show resilience when you are at rock bottom is pretty bloody difficult. My kids are brilliant though. I had another melt-down earlier, and my eldest son came and sat beside me on the bathroom floor, holding me, supporting me. My husband holds me too, takes care of everything else so I don't have to. I hate that they have to see me like this, but I'm proud of them, too.

The colour black is often associated with depression - the Black Dog, the Black Hole of Despair. But for me it's more of a murky, grey fog. Sometimes it lightens, more of a mist, sometimes allowing the sun to shine through; other times it is suffocating and the only escape is the sanctity of sleep.

I know there is light. I know I will be 'fixed' and will be on an even keel again soon. You may ask 'How can I help?' The answer is I don't know. Just be you, and carry on as normal. Just be patient with me. The sun will shine again soon.

Book Review: Those Summer Nights by Mandy Baggot

Sunshine, soft white sand and a sizzling hot millionaire – you don’t get trouble in paradise, right?

Imogen Charlton is sorted. Dead-beat husband? History. Dream job? Application sent. But then her impulsive brother, Harry, spends every last penny on a Greek restaurant in Corfu, and is determined to run it himself. It’s up to Imogen to bring him to his senses.

When sexy millionaire Panos Dimitriou offers to buy back his family taverna, Imogen wonders if all her prayers have been answered (and all her fantasies about to come true). But Harry won’t budge, and his enthusiasm is infectious.

Bright pink bougainvillea tumbling over whitewashed walls, endless blue skies, the sparkling Mediterranean; it’s hard not to fall for Corfu. And that’s not all Imogen is falling for…

As the sparks of passion fly between Imogen and Panos, is Imogen having second thoughts on selling the restaurant? And will she have to choose between love and a new dream?

This summer, spend long sunny days on the beach, and balmy nights in Greek tavernas on the gorgeous island of Corfu. Perfect for fans of Lucy Diamond, Miranda Dickinson and Lindsey Kelk.

Thank you to Netgalley and Bookoutre for the Advance Reading Copy.

I have a love/hate relationship with this book. Don't get me wrong - it is a FABULOUS read. I truly loved it. The sights, smells and sounds of Greece came flooding back to me through the pages of this glorious book. I fell in love instantly with the characters, and the village of Acharavi in Corfu. Greece has a huge piece of my heart since my first holiday in Crete at the age of 15, and Those Summer Nights brought it all back to me.

Although I love Imogen and Panos ,my favourite character is Panos's grandmother, the indomitable Elpida. Not the stereotypical image I had in my head of a little old lady dressed entirely in black, Elpida is a force to be reckoned with, but in an adorable way. She dresses in bright colours, lycra and short dresses, but her values are still firmly rooted in family and tradition, and she does her best to make her grandson see sense.

Those Summer Nights certainly heat up with passion between Imogen and property tycoon Panos, who are battling each other over his determination to turn the peaceful little village into another Kavos *shudder*.

The tricky subject of bipolar disorder is handled well with great sensitivity in the character of Harry, Imogen's brother. He has a propensity for impulsive hare-brained schemes which have all but destroyed his marriage. But he surprises everyone with the work he puts in when he buys a dilapidated taverna he renames Halloumi, his dedication to make a go of it infecting everyone around him.

And the descriptions of the food... wow, they made me yearn for a bloody good moussaka and baclava!

So why a love/hate relationship with the book, when I loved everything about it? After I finished it, I spent hours torturing myself looking at holidays online. I'm pretty sure Greece is my spiritual home. But this year, I will just have to go sit in the garden at the first hint of sunshine, with Greek yoghurt and honey, and reread this book. If I concentrate hard enough, I could be at Halloumi...

Maybe next year!

Those Summer Nights is published today and you buy it here (other retailers are available!).

Book Review - The Wacky Man by Lyn G Farrell

I am taking part in my first ever blog tour for this amazing book! I've got a fabulous Q & A with Lyn G. Farrell, the author of The Wacky Man, to share with you all. 

But here is my review. The Wacky Man was the winner of the 2015 Luke Bitmead Bursary, the UK's biggest prize for unpublished authors. And here's why:

My new shrink asks me, ‘What things do you remember about being very young?’
It’s like looking into a murky river, I say. Memories flash near the surface like fish coming up for flies. The past peeps out, startles me, and then is gone…

Amanda secludes herself in her bedroom, no longer willing to face the outside world. Gradually, she pieces together the story of her life: her brothers have had to abandon her, her mother scarcely talks to her, and the Wacky Man could return any day to burn the house down. Just like he promised.

As her family disintegrates, Amanda hopes for a better future, a way out from the violence and fear that has consumed her childhood. But can she cling to her sanity, before insanity itself is her only means of escape?

Wow. Just wow. This is the compelling, brutal story of a teenager in a family broken by the father's violence. I say brutal, but the descriptions of the violence are not gratuitous at all, but written as matter-of-fact, as Amanda and her family have accepted their lot. Outside intervention has little effect, our heroine is apparently beyond help. The contrast between some of her teachers, who consider her nothing more than a big problem for them, and those who do care - Mr Kramm and 'shrink' Mr Broeder - is vivid, and heart-breaking.

Amanda is an intelligent, articulate young woman, despite her avoidance of education. It is harrowing  that there are children such as Amanda out there. We all know it happens, but this book brings it to the forefront of your mind. Some people are unfortunately unsalvageable, and we see the obstacles in the way of those who try to help them rather than leaving them to rot in society.

Despite, or perhaps in spite of, the harrowing story, I highly recommend this novel. It is not a misery memoir - it is so much more, so well written that I could not put it down. Amanda's voice prevents it from being depressing even though she is close to losing her mind, and her situation is so very heartbreaking.

The author wrote this book not to evoke sympathy and hand-wringing, but to be a voice for children like Amanda who are so often not heard.

It's bloody brilliant.

Thanks to the publisher Legend Press for an advanced reading copy.

Book Review: Who's That Girl? by Mhairi McFarlane

An achingly funny story from the author of the bestselling YOU HAD ME AT HELLO.

When Edie is caught in a compromising position at her colleagues’ wedding, all the blame falls on her – turns out that personal popularity in the office is not that different from your schooldays. Shamed online and ostracised by everyone she knows, Edie’s forced to take an extended sabbatical – ghostwriting an autobiography for hot new acting talent, Elliot Owen. Easy, right?

Wrong. Banished back to her home town of Nottingham, Edie is not only dealing with a man who probably hasn’t heard the word ‘no’ in a decade, but also suffering an excruciating regression to her teenage years as she moves back in with her widowed father and judgy, layabout sister.

When the world is asking who you are, it’s hard not to question yourself. Who’s that girl? Edie is ready to find out.

I've been waiting for this book to come out and leapt on it as soon as I could my hands on it. Thanks to Netgalley and Avon for the review copy in exchange for an honest review. 

I love Mhairi's books. They're not cosy little rom-coms; they are full-on PMSL, LMFAO, sweary stories for those of us who like a bit of attitude in our reading. 

Edie, the heroine of Who's That Girl is far from perfect. She snogged someone else's husband, on their wedding day, and boy, does she pay for it. Even though Edie had been taken in by smarmy player Jack, she gets the blame. Everyone in her London life turns against her; even her so-called gay best friend turns out to be the archetypal backstabbing queen. The 'wronged bride' and Edie's so-called friends launch a vicious online hate campaign against her, forcing her into hiding. It's a relief when her boss, Richard, who thankfully does believe in her, sends her on a mission back in her home town of Nottingham. 

Only it's not such a relief to be back at home. Anyone who has made a life for themselves and then returns home, tail between their legs for whatever reason, will know that it's hard. Old family resentments and sibling rivalries flare, and Edie's younger sister Meg acts like the truculent teen, making it hard for Edie to settle back in. Their poor Dad is stuck in the middle of them, and he is still dealing with his own grief at the loss of their mother years ago. The three of them have been unable to move on. Mhairi deals with the serious issues of grief and depression with a touching sensitivity, contrasting with the hilarious scenes between the two girls reverting back to flouncing and bitching at each other. 

Margot, the dragon lady next door, provides a lot of insight for Edie. Disregarded by Meg and Edie's father, she is a fabulous lady who is stuck in her glamorous past. And she can bake a mean cake. She helps Edie come to term with her mistakes and past errors of judgement. 

Edie's mission is to ghost write the memoirs of the hugely popular film & TV star Elliot Owen. Edie's initial resistance to him and his world of fame is broken down when she gets to know the real Elliot. He really is a sweetie, and I'd have fallen for him - and his brother Fraser! 

I think this book is about Edie discovering who she really is, and about finding who you can rely on. Edie has genuine friends in both Nick and Hannah. 

I did question Edie's decision near the end of the book – okay it is a very mature decision to make and I can see why she does what she does, but the romantic in me was screaming at her for a good few pages. 

Again Mhairi has had me enthralled from beginning to end of Who's That Girl. I hate it when a great book ends! 

January Blues - what do you mean it's half-way through February?

Spring is coming. Apparently.

January, for me, is a terrible month. It is full of anniversaries of the loss of beloved people from my life. It's cold, dark, and sunny days are few and far between. And I am usually battling the pounds, losing them from the wrong places - i.e. my bank account and not my body.

My poor husband's birthday is in the middle of January. I feel sorry for people like him. Nobody really likes January, do they? Everyone's poor after spending so much money over Christmas, everyone wants to lose weight, everyone's wants to do a Dry January (not in this house they don't!). The poor January birthday people get a raw deal.

Of course I did try to put on a brave face, and I think I managed it, mostly.

But then it was back to misery. Not only did we lose David Bowie and Alan Rickman but then the real kicker came - Terry Wogan. I'm not going to go on effusing about these amazing people who have been there throughout my life. Suffice to say, my grief levels have escalated.

Then there are beloved people around me, who are fighting with 'proper' illnesses. Cancer. All I have is a particularly bad bout of depression (and Type II Diabetes - which really is my own fault cos I am overweight; and high blood pressure - ditto; and plantar fasciitis - ditto... you get my drift). But my problems are not life-threatening. There's always someone worse off blah blah blah. I don't want to use the sadness of their situations to fuel my wallowing further. 

Depression is like quicksand. It sucks you in. You can fight to get out, but you get more stuck. 

Depression is like a heavy blanket. Unable to throw it off, you pull it tighter round yourself.

I know there are things I could do, should do, to help myself.

'Get out more. Have some fresh air'. Have you seen the fucking weather lately? Fuck off, I would rather stay indoors.

'Exercise', they say. 'It releases endorphins that make you feel better'. I'm sure it does, if only I could be arsed. But I am too tired. Too broke. My feet hurt. I'm too fat to run. I haven't got time (there will always be an excuse).

I am tired.

But....

We are over half way through February.  It is time to come out of hibernation. Time to kick my own butt (which is, you have to admit, quite hard to do without falling over).

But I'm going to do it. Instead of being bogged down with grief, worries about money (or lack of it), and fears about things I can do nothing about, I am going to get my arse in gear and join the land of the living. I have a book to write, after all. And I need to promote this blog.

Just bear with me. It's still cold out there.